Paper Gangster

I am so sick of signing waivers, forms, consents, and agreements, I just want to start nursing!

This morning I woke up bright and early to head to HR (again) for paperwork (again). 

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I did manage to cross two things off my to-do list before hitting the road (I wish one of those things had been “pack up an extra cup of coffee for the road” because this was definitely a two cup kind of day…). 

I ended up stopping at Starbucks (shock).  And of course I had an apple on stand by (shock).

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After an entirely unnecessary 45 minute video on my benefits (which I had already researched in far greater detail on my own), I signed my life away, got my scrubs, and peaced out. 

Don’t want no paper gangsta! 

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I stopped at WF on the way home for a few items, including a soft pretzel that I ate in the car before going home.  I was starving. 

At home I had one thing on my mind.  Nut butter. 

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The play-by-play is best told through photos, so here it goes.

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Dig in. 

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I wish I had an “after” picture of the food processor because I licked it clean.  And I mean CLEAN.  I was thisclose to running my tongue over the blade to avoid wasting any precious nut butter.  Good food can make you do insane things…

After molesting the Cuisinart enough to put me away for a double life sentence, I ended up making a semi-respectable meal with it, too. 

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Not reinventing the wheel with this one, but sometimes simple is all you need.

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Multi-nut butter

  • 1/4 cup raw almonds
  • 1/2 cup raw cashews
  • 1/8 cup raw pumpkin seeds (pepitas)
  • 1 tbsp flax seeds
  • 1/4 cup organic almond milk
  • 1/4 cup organic almond milk
  • 1/4 cup organic almond milk
  • 1/4 cup organic almond milk

In other words, blend blend blend adding almond milk 1/4 cup at a time until you get the desired consistency.  The ratio of liquid to nuts ended up being roughly 1:1 but it’s definitely a tweak as you go recipe based on preference. 

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It’s one of the most amazing things I’ve made to date.  I had to fight every impulse in my being to put the spoon down and step away from the nut butter. 

And even with my moderate self-control, I still ate almost half the yield throughout the afternoon.  What can I say?  It. Was. So. GOOD.  I will say this: because it was super rich, after a few too many trips back to the kitchen, I started to feel a bit sick. 

Nut butter coma…

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Fortunately Janetha was on high alert, should I need an ambulance…

I’m too tired to finish this post, so I’ll sign off for now.  I have another early morning, for – yep, you guessed it – more paperwork. 

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Comments (24)

  1. Adam

    Been there. Done that. Wish i had a t-shirt. How cool would that t-shirt be? “I grind my own nuts…” Yeah, maybe not so much? How smooth were you scoring some of your own MamaPea cookies today. I say we get her to release 2 copies of her book early just for us. You can persuade her with your nut butter, i’m kind of impartial to begging. ;)

  2. Freckled Foodie

    those nuts look neat just sitting in the blender before the nut butter magic happened! <3

  3. Amanda

    You are getting reallllly good at making nut butter. I need a food processor.

  4. Megan @ The Oatmeal Diaries

    Your nut butter looks awesome! I have to try this. And I have totally licked the food processor blade before… no shame.

  5. jamela224

    omg that looks so great i have to try a multi nut butter asap! thanks!

  6. susan

    I’ve always been afraid of making my own nut butters, but after seeing your successes I think I’m going to have to give it a go.
    Good luck with the rest of that paperwork mama!

  7. Sarah B @ Bake + Bike

    Holy nut butter amazingness. I would definitely have serious trouble stepping away from the food processor too!!

  8. Sarah B @ Bake + Bike

    Also that reminds me of a vegan dessert cookbook I have called “Licking the Beaters”. The front cover has a picture of a guy performing said act, and the back cover has a picture of him with a bandaged tongue! Haha.

  9. julie

    i’m gonna call b.s. on your new job being a nurse.

    i’m pretty sure you’re working top secret for whole foods as a pro nut butterer

    hahahahaha i just re-read that.

  10. Courtney Craig

    That pretzel from WF looks AMAZING!!! I may have to go run down the street to grab one!

  11. MarathonVal

    Oh man, sounds like a day in the life of… me. Whenever I try to go a day w/o storebought nut butter in the house, I crave it so bad and end up making some some scratch.

    Then, I gobble it all up with a spoon…. soooo addicting!!

  12. Gabriela @ Une Vie Saine

    I’ve definitely Frenched my food processor blade before, don’t worry. I always seem to stop myself right before my tongue descends on the blade…

    The nut butter looks amazing. That would be so dangerous around me.

  13. Courtney

    What do you think of the Whole Foods Almond milk?? I have always gotten the Blue Diamond Almond Breeze, and I am scared to switch, lol! But Whole Foods is cheaper. Is it good??

    Courtney

  14. BroccoliHut

    Yay or nay on the WF almond milk? I just bought a carton but have yet to try it.

  15. Sarah @ The Smart Kitchen

    I’ve never thought to add almond milk for consistency! GREAT idea. :)

  16. janetha

    Dude! I can see why you were in a coma! Very acceptable. I NEVER, EVER, EVER thought of combining types of nuts and seeds into one butter. This is a breakthrough. Well, for me at least.

  17. elise

    Yes yes yes! I really like Whole Foods’ almond milk. It’s only the second brand I’ve tried though…

  18. elise

    Ok, I’m changing my previous so-so statement…now I’m really loving it. I’m not sure if the Blue Diamond brand is organic, but WF is, and it’s also the cheapest. Win win.

  19. elise

    DITTO!

  20. elise

    i wish. i wouldnt be top secret about it though…i shout my job from the rooftop!

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  22. Courtney

    Thanks for letting me know–I will have to pick some up this weekend!

    Courtney

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  24. Carly

    haha you crack me up; I always lick everything clean, no waste(:

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